it's a love story

once upon a time,

this sweet boy

put this on my finger

and then we celebrated with shakes afterwards

and somebody paid for ours in congratulations

[how terribly nice is that?]

i didn't cry

my hair was curly -which i hate and he loves-

and the huntsman center was full of people watching

as the kiss cam came to us

and then the screen changed to

"karlee crandall will you marry me?"

and then he dropped to one knee

i blushed furiously

and nodded clumsily

and i think i covered my face at some point

[my hair! my hair was so ugly!]

and lucky for our posterity, we have the whole thing on dvd

i can't stop looking at this diamond perched on my finger

i'm so glad my family was there to celebrate with us

how cute of them to help with the planning

and

we've made a hard decision

our original wedding date was april 30th

a rush so that we could marry and move away for the summer

due to his work

however

we have decided to hold off until august 20th

[three months apart]

in hopes that the distance will make our hearts grow fonder

the time will aid in planning

and we can start our marriage on a more firm foundation

thank you thank you for your prayers

and if you don't mind, please keep them coming

deciding

"every woman gives her life for what she believes. sometimes people believe in little or nothing, nevertheless they give up their lives to that little or nothing. one life is all we have, and we live it as we believe in living it, and then it's gone."

-joan of lorraine, act 2

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.

~Lemony Snicket

------------------------------------------------

always appreciating your prayers.

got my holga film back, i'll post pictures soon. i also made a lovely little wall which i'll share.

i have big news to announce but i want to do a post just for that. (!)

valentines was lovely, a recap is in order.

i need a posting day.

love love lovely love love you

"Your face is true and your hair is perfect and I love you. You make boats in my dreams and you speak without words and I love you. Your fears unnerve me and your questions amuse me and I love you. I love you not only for who you are, but for the interesting person I become when I’m with you. I say I love you and love you and love you until the words become the constant song of your voice in my head and the original ache of memory in my soul. I love you more than life and death, more than everything that’s in between the light and the dark. Do you believe me? Try harder. Do you believe me now? I’m always with you, which is why I know you will never abandon yourself."
— Rob Brezsny

old love cards from antiqueing the other day

we went a-antique-ing..

the boy i love and i spent the day in salt lake last week, hunting about broadway street 

we found everything except for what we were looking for

maybe because this place was closed

...

anyways

i'm having such busy days lately

not enough time

------------------------------------------------

almost through my holga film, can't wait to get it developed!

loving my valentines plans

started eating well and exercising again-- training for my half marathon-- i feel centered

i need to put more time into my classes

life is lovely

we like to eat eat eat

the boy i love and i had a nice little dinner a few nights ago

simple bruschetta, (so super easy and yum) a crispy salad and homemade oreos

which we finished before bed

i know the picture of me eating that piece of heaven looks like i have a ring on that finger...

which i did

but not that kind of ring.

not yet at least :]

lovers and friends

i'm really excited for valentines day

i've already started on my little present

never been this excited for this lover's holiday before

everyday the boy i love and i are learning

new things

hard things

how to make things work

how not to make things work

that we're best friends

thank you again

for all your kind thoughts and prayers

----------------------------------------------

one thing that has really gotten me through some rough moments?

the holga that i ordered on saturday. just the thought of it pressed against my face fills me with complete joy.

be relentless.

good grief charlie brown

good grief- i think there is such a thing.
at that time in my life when everything really fell apart, including my insides and my dreams and everything i knew or wanted to know, the grief that i had to face was ultimately good.
that is because, a week ago today when that same grief but somehow terribly worse fell into my stomach again, i knew i could handle it.
i've been through this before.
it will be okay.
it's always okay.
i don't want it to be okay with out him, but i wanted that before too, remember?
and then it was okay
and i'm okay
and that person before, that person who ripped apart my life, he doesn't mean a thing now.

only, things have been a little different this time.
there is hope for us and a tiny pinhole of light at the end of this tunnel.
i suppose what i mean to say is we are working things out indefinitely. 
we are madly in love, it's true. but it's also important to be madly in love with yourself. if that makes sense. and as long as we both want what is best for us because we're good people and we're of worth, then we can give what is best to each other too. and as long as we keep the spirit the most important part of our relationship, then i firmly believe we can fight this together until the end. 

and that's quite nice because he smells rather good.  :]

xoxo

this still life

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mmmm whatcha say,
Mmmm that it's all for the best?
of course it is
Mmmm whatcha say?
Mmmm that it's just what we need
you decided this
whatcha say?
Mmmm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no I don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs

(hide and seek)
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a (you don't care a) bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
oh no, you don't care a bit

(hide and seek)
oh no, you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit
you don't care a bit

-------------------------------------

lyrics from imogen heap - hide and seek
this is how i've been feeling since we broke up yesterday morning
i'm optimistic cautiously
but
i'm afraid that he wont want to do what he needs for us to be together
i love him
and i'll do my part but
no more than that

he has changed my world completely

you oughta know

"I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain."

The above text is from The Invitation, which you can read in full and find more about on the left side of the page.

I have been going through some rough things lately involving The Boy I Love, taking risks, trusting, being let down, setting boundaries, hoping, and just love in general. I'm not going to go into specifics here on the interweb. All I want to know is why I can't simply fall in love and float on all right all ready.

Even if things get heavy, for now at least I am all about making emotion-based decisions and giving chances out like H1N1 shots.

But really Marjorie had it right about the head ache thing. Your good karma, well wishes, prayers, thoughts and voodoo dolls are appreciated.

xoxo

aperture

when your fingertips skim across my skin it is as though every ridge that makes up those prints

captures a part of me and it comes away in sparkles sparkes of me that are now you

and that is love

-------------
i start spring semester today, boo :[ i suppose i shouldn't complain because i'm only taking 8 credits. still, with full time work it's just not fun. and i like fun.

an aperture is a hole or an opening through which light travels.

photos were taken by moi at lake powell last may.

makes my heart beat fast

the boy i like and i had our first lover's spat yesterday
something to do with
miscommunication, dropping the ball and me missing ryan and ashleigh at my sister's recital over it
(that's a rather big deal)

however
i'm happy to report he's a great apologizer
(what did you expect?)
and i've happily forgiven him


good thing they make dvd's of those recitals...

and that's all i've ever needed from someone.

the boy i like makes me so so so happy.
hence, i am going to make a list of the things i like about him, titled:

The Boy I Like and The Things I Like About Him

1. dimples
2. eyes
3. mouth
4. voice
5. smell
6. hands
7. legs
8. arms
9. back
10. clothes
(i do believe that is the precise order in which i noticed the physical things i liked when we first met.)
11. his dear family
12. the way he holds me
13. his laugh
14. his run-on sentence texting
15. the way he tries so hard to use you're correctly for me
16. his thumb war cheating
17. the way he takes care of me (so well)
18. my family loves him
19. how he understands my views on animals
20. his good heart
21. his good work ethic
22. the way we share dreams about the world
23. our conversations
24. how fast it's going
25. his sincerity
26. his jokes
27. he is a .great. kisser
28. the way he loves his neice
29. and his sister
30. how he puts up with gino and his face
31. how we feel the same about where we are in our lives right now and we can talk about where we might be someday
32. his concentration face
33. the way he says my name
34. that we both love tater tot casserole
35. that he'll go out in the cold and fill up my car
36. that he shows up at my door with olive garden
37. that he thinks i look decent without makeup
38. the way he comforts me
39. how safe and secure he makes me feel
40. that i know i wont be sacrificing anything
41. his sweet little singing voice
42. his excited laugh (heard usually in super mario brothers situations)
43. the way he always gets extra at the drive-thru just in case
44. his TERRIBLE freeway driving
45. how he makes everything better
46. his commitment
47. his back massages!
48. his acceptance of AJ
49. he has nice teeth
50. how he makes me laugh

~to be continued~

if you knew how i've wanted someone to come along and change my life the way you've done.

        Yesterday, the boy I like walked into my room and found me stuffed under my covers with Gino asleep on my head.
He poked me.
"Is something wrong?"
I groaned and in a whiney, muffled voice replied, "I'm pooped."
The mattress made that creaky noise as he sat down. Gino promptly stretched over to be scratched.
"Why are you pooped, love?" Asked the boy I like.
"Do you want a list? Really? Okay.
- I can't handle _____. She drives me nuts. WHY does she speak so slowly? Why does she make everyday more miserable and hard and tiring. I'm going to lose it.
- I can't find Jenna's christmas present. I have spent 4 hours total looking. Everytime I know what I want I can't find it.
- I am extremely tired.
- I got the wrong suddenly salads because you distracted me with your dimples and charm and now I have to go exchange them, and we all know how that goes.
- My car needs gas and it's cold outside.
- I am behind on my christmas movie watching.
- I don't want to take my finals.
- I miss AJ. Always.
.. and those are the unbearable things." I winced, knowing that he was about to fix everything because that's what he does so well.
He rubbed my back thoughtfully and after a few moments filled with quiet words and sparks, I came to this conslusion:

The world is good. Simple things such as the movement of our bodies, the feeling of the sun on our face- these things are what matter. I am so lucky that I get to open my eyes every day and see these mountains, this wide sky, the shaking trees. I breathe the crisp air and the skin of my loved ones and that is steady and consistent. We have the ability to bring life onto this planet from somewhere else. We have the ability and the capacity and the courage to love other people. Humans can travel from one place to another and look into the eyes of the people there and hear their story and remember it. We have the ability to remember. We have the ability to choose. To choose love, bravery, promises. To choose joy every single moment. To choose to be nice, because you don't know their story and all anybody ever really needs is love. We were given this blip of time on this rotating rock in the vast universe-- given these moments to live and breathe and touch. And when we go, we will remember it all.
What will you remember?

if-

well.

i like the boy i like.


.. and i normally don't blog on weekends, but i'm at work.
just didn't want you to think that i logged on and went all out of my way for just this silly little post.
even though i might well have done that.

shhh.

i've made a discovery

gino

is a cat

trapped

in a dog's body

the above marvelous photo is of a boy i like, whom we shall call 'the boy i like'

and my catdog, whom we shall continue to call gino.