We can both share the light.

I think its pretty obvious that I have a major gap in my blogging from October until now. I was busy and then I was lazy and then I was sad. I went through some not so fun things and it hampered my spirit. I should have written then, but I was putting all my energy into dressing myself and leaving the house.
This makes me just a little bit upset with myself, because not only would Christmas posts in march be plain wrong, but catching up is more work than its worth.
I haven't yet worked out a solution. Know this: I am now back in action. I need to write and post my photos and projects and memories because 1. When I don't I stay up at night, fretting about my lack of record keeping, and 2. I get cranky when I forget to give myself a place of release. Ok 1. Was a lie, because I have the best ability to sleep no matter how stressed/worried/sad I am. I am grateful for this. I also find it odd.
Ok. So. That's all.
Enjoy these photos, taken a few weeks ago when I finally succeeded at making homemade Indian food. (after much wasted garam masala. Which is expensive.) Posting these clears some of my clutter.. Gotta start somewhere.

And more pretty.

I just have to document the pretty awesome work we did on these other things during craft day. The day when the house gets turned into a mess of paint splatters, strips of fabric and paper, and stickiness everywhere. The day when pizza delivery is a must, little sleep is inevitable, and tears always make an appearance. (happy and sad). Crafting just does that to a girl. Ok boys too- Seth... (he has no choice) (he ends up rubbing backs and going on emergency nutella runs) (come to think of it, craft day would be impossible without him.)

Look at what we did, k!
New top on side table
Completely refinished tiny table
Covered wedding albums in fabric
Made jewelery hanger out of magnet board

Total cost: less than $50.
Why buy when you can craft?

Squint.

This tightness in my chest overwhelms me most times. The worries wrap around me, fitting so snug that a lot of days they are part of my very form. Embedded in my skin.
But some moments, some days... I am free. I find the strength to shake off the wrappings and shed them where I stand. I find the courage to leave them
There and flee into the bright spots. I wonder, now, how I can make these times of strength happen more. That's the secret, I think, to happiness. And why shouldn't we seek that? If after all, most things that seem so devastating actually end up fading into things that never mattered so much.

Right now I am remembering to focus. To squint into the light until the rest fades away. Here's to that.

Craft day

My sisters and I had a craft day this last weekend. We have one of these every now and again, and it's always the best time. We spend hours painting, mod-podging, framing, laughing and eating of course. This last one was actually tough and wiped us out though. I decided last minute to finally refinish our ugly laminate dresser that gives me grief. This has been a project in the making for two years now- so I finally got my wits about me, pulled out the drawers, moved it all to the kitchen and began painting. With amazing help, the dresser was transformed into one of my favorite pieces of furniture in our house. I do believe that love gets etched into the projects you complete, with each paint stroke or thumbprint pressed into the fabric. I will always think of this as me and brins dresser.

Sadly, I can't find a before picture! I looked everywhere. Apparently it was that ugly-- I always avoided having it in photos. It was similar to this, however. In fact, I think this is the exact dresser. All that ugly little thing needed was some good paint, new drawer pulls and mod podged paper on top! (cost: less than 20 bucks)

Moral of the story? Stop waiting to make things better in your life and do it now. You will be happier.

sweetly

we have had a lot of light lately. it seeps in through the slats of the blinds and paints the walls. it soaks in to the fibers of our house and into our skin and i can feel it defrosting my bones.
i am elbow-deep in reading and teaching this semester. i got the position at discovery ranch so now i spend my monday and wednesday afternoons with 8 behaviorally challenged teenaged boys. it is actually rather fulfilling and my desire to become a teacher has been validated.
ginny spends most of her time snoozing. i think she gets bored. we have tried to be outside more recently due to the warmer weather.
then it snowed today. still is, in fact. but it's okay, i tend to like the snow more this year since we've had so little. it feels like a blanket; like it hides us and protects us from prying eyes.
we need to find a new place. that prying-eyes feeling is starting to get to me.
i like fresh starts.
overall, i feel happy. happy to be breathing and soaking up this light. happy to be with the man i love and to be on the cusp of trying to conceive.
i do so want a baby in my belly. we've been trying since september. i've always feared that i would be unable to conceive. but we'll give it more time. it hasn't made me sad yet. we have only been married a year and a half, after all. i have an appointment in march.

goodbye to scary

this is my last post about all hallows eve this year. i sometimes wish october was like, 2 months because i love it so much. but then i remember how many scary movies i watched and the nightmares and creepies i started having and i'm kind of ready for christmas music! (which yes, i've been blasting. it snowed november first here, give me a break!)
these are the photos from thriller. it was great, as always. i love the different acts and it's always fun to go to kingsbury hall. we went to bombay house in salt lake beforehand and may have been converted from india palace. however, last week we tried the bombay house in provo and it was not delish. so we have a place in each county now i suppose! if you ever go to bombay house in salt lake try the bollywood chicken and the naan with the potatoes inside. you. will. melt. into a heap of spicy-sweet indian feast. if you ever go to india palace get the assorted snack appetizer, any vegetarian dish and probably the same naan cause it rocks. i should have been indian i think.

the forgotten photos

i am being so spacey lately! (no- not what you think.) i found the photos i took at cornbellys, and i have no idea how i forgot about them because this clown is pure horror. so even though this was about a month ago i'm going to post them.

pumpkin tree! it rocked. there were some intricate carvings.

all i remember is the flash was extremely bright.

and.. the clown.

spooky late

whoops! i totally forgot to post about halloween. we had so much fun dressing up as each other and going through a haunted house with my family. it was a last minute costume idea because we were super lame and didn't plan anything beforehand. this halloween was a good one in that the whole month was very festive for us and we really got into the holiday, but when it came to the actual day we kind of failed. i am still mad at (read: disgusted with) myself for not dressing up for school. i will make up for it next year though. here are the photos from the day and a few lingering ones from the days before and after.




don't be alarmed by seth's knife- we had been carving pumpkins. we were playing fugitive right after and yeah, he's a little creepy.

our plan was ghosts since i had white pumpkins. didn't work so much!


on the way home i made the mr. stop so i could take some pictures of one of my favorite fall streets in town.


favorite
and last but not least... the best picture ever. how awesome is this! this is when my disgust with myself set in.


so overall we had a great halloween! it seemed to last long as well and now i'm so excited for thanksgiving and christmas. i love the holidays!

life's no fun without a good scare

i am craving this pizza right now. we went out to NYPD pizza in draper a couple weeks ago before we braved the haunted circus.
this has been such a fun month in way of going out together! the mr. and i have been to a haunted house, a corn maze and just last night, thriller at kingsbury hall.
we don't usually go out this much- but with halloween there is so much to do! it's been one of my favorite fall seasons and halloweens.


unfortunately, i don't think i got photos of the corn maze or the haunted circus. we were pretty terrified at both- we are chickens. the maze was worse though! we went to corn bellys, spent an hour or so in the daylight going through the regular maze, and then it got dark and we switched to the haunted one.
i almost cried.
chainsaws really get to me. so that one was pretty good! we got some dinner from the magleby's fresh they had set up in there and went through the other haunted attractions.
we also helped a very scared mom find her little girl- it really made me realize how worried i'm going to be as a mom some day. i felt so awful for her and i was so relieved that they found her daughter.
the haunted circus was pretty good. bailey came with us so it wasn't as scary with the three of us. it was very creative though and a good change from the typical haunted house!
last year i went to two with my mom, tori and shay. it's always fun to go scare yourself i guess huh?
i don't have the thriller photos ready yet so i'll post about that later on.

halloween is tomorrow!

the big two seven

on my seth's birthday, we woke up lazily and i made him breakfast in bed. then we got into our hikin' clothes and headed out to the mountains. he wanted to horn hunt alllll day for his celebration. it was such a pretty morning, the sun was perfect. we didn't find any horns though, and i was pretty bummed about that. i wanted to find a birthday horn for him. we came home that afternoon and got ready for a little cake and ice cream gathering we had planned.
this meant the birthday boy had to clean- i felt a little bad but not really.
he worked on the outside (spray out the carport, tidy up the back yard, get my pumpkins and bale of hay set up on the porch) and i focused on the vacuuming and polishing. we had the windows open and the music loud (rihanna) it's one of those memories where the lighting and the feeling are permanent in your head and you can go back any time.
after that, we got out the cakes i had worked so hard on the night before. two, 3 tier round cakes. one chocolate, one vanilla with frosting from the sweet tooth fairy. the cakes were a pretty royal mess--who knew it was so hard to do tiered cakes?! but they were SO yummy.
i actually didn't ever snap a photo of the cakes- how depressing is that? after all my hard work. but i had my awesome green cake dish to serve the chocolate one on, and my moms clear glass one for the vanilla. or maybe it was the other way around.
either way, the cakes got demolished an hour or so later, when we had our closest friends and family over.
we all sat outside in the shady sun, chairs sprinkled the yard and the kids played with tommy the horse over the fence. we talked until the sun went down; some listened to grandpa's stories and others caught each other up on school and the like.
i totally didn't get photos of this either. which is really the saddest thing of all. so many friends came and showed their love and happy birthdayness to Seth. it was sweet and we had a lot of fun. it will probably be the only gathering we have in our house with that many people as newlyweds and it's a shame i didn't get photos.
the last people trickled out in the dusky night and i picked up a little bit (i was still cleaned out from earlier) and then we ... we can't remember what we did. we're thinking we went and got some hamburgers and maybe a redbox-- or maybe we went to a movie. no clue. it's like a big gap in our memory. the next thing we can recall is that i rubbed his back for an hour or so and then we kissed and stuff.
maybe we just went to bed at 7pm?! i don't even know.
but it was a great birthday, if i do say so myself. here's to the big two eight next year baby!
i love you, mister husband.

*seth opened his present the day before, much to my chagrin. i had actually JUST wrapped it, and we were on our way to india palace as a day before birthday lunch. i planned to give him the present the next morning with his breakfast in bed. he's much stronger than me though, and he just grabbed it and starting tearing! jerk.
i got him basketball shoes, a shirt and some socks. he's been needing those shoes and i was pretty nervous about getting the 'right' ones. but i'm happy to report he loves them and they're pretty hot. (kids, your dad is quite the basketball player. he probably will really be a washed-up has been by the time you come around and he's playing out in the carport. so i just wanted to document that.)