Masked

I don't know that I have ever felt so unmotivated, lazy, tired, bored and unproductive in my life. I am wishing so so so for a swift autumn! I just know that it will breathe new life into me.
I am wanting a baby. I am wanting not to wait any longer to try. I am wanting to feel the energy I need to work out hard every day. I am wanting to decorate my home and paint and see change. I am wanting to swim every second of every day. I am wanting to open my windows to a chilly breeze. I am wanting to watch movies allllll day everyday until that chill comes. I am wanting cool, quiet dark and brightness at once.
That is just it. I'm feeling so torn between multiple states of being. I want nothing more than to have a schedule and business and crisp air, and because those things aren't here yet I am wanting to sleep all day and hibernate in my cold house until summer passes. Such extremes of each other. I also want a massive, time crushing trip. I could handle sweltering heat if I had no chores to do and I could lie under a palm tree and listen to waves. I need a trip so badly it brings tears to my eyes.
But no trip will come for us this summer. Not out of state at least.
Our two year anniversary is tomorrow. Who even knows where time runs to these days? While at the same time tricking us, appearing to be slow enough to watch.
I have longed to write lately and have been filling my journal with poems and thoughts. Mostly they sound very gloomy, though I really don't feel gloomy. I think it's the boredom coming through in them.
I think I will switch my post format for a while and channel this little burst of creativity.
See you on the other side.