project for you
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I am realistic. I believe that accepting the world the way it is makes it more beautiful. Not trying to fix everything so that we can be happier, and finding happiness in that. I am not a pessimist. I don’t buy into the idea that life is meaningless in the end, that we are all very sad deep down and our only consolation is that we’re in it together. I am not a daily optimist, but I am an optimist at heart. By this I mean that I believe in the goodness of people. I believe in heaven. I believe in happiness and love. I don’t believe that humans do kind things for others just because. I believe that we do many things for ourselves and that we all may be more selfish than we know. I also believe that beating that, and the desire to beat that, leads us to a greater happiness that is more pure and real. And I believe we will all beat that, which makes us good.
I am loving. I believe in feeling. I believe in choosing love, always. I also believe in choosing to love yourself too, and maybe first. I believe that if you love yourself first, you are then able to love others to the best of your ability, and to do what is right because you aren’t blinded by yourself. I am not logical or rational when it comes to these things. I most often go by my heart, am chained to it in fact. And I would not have it any other way.
I am child like. I believe in pondering, wondering, exploring, adventuring, running, dancing, dreaming, living. I do not believe in the mundane all the time, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I believe in the comfort of the daily grind. Sometimes I believe in the concept of robotic movement over and over, because sometimes that is exactly what I need in order to breathe. But most often, I choose the other. The daring, the dangerous, the terrifying. Because that is what makes us feel, and I believe in feeling.
I am creative. I believe in not having everything handed to me- although that is sometimes nice. I believe in pushing myself because that is when I feel my best. I believe in doing things I don’t want to do sometimes, many times, in the name of self improvement. I believe in creating tangible things that speak of the intangible. I believe in creating hope out of nothing, creating dreams when I’m afraid, creating myself when I feel I am entirely too lost to even look into my own eyes. I believe in making what I can with what I have and that is when I am truly myself.
I am honest. I believe in the power of my words. I believe in the transportation of my thoughts to my mouth and the choice I have in that moment. I believe in opening my eyes and my heart and showing that to people because they deserve it. I believe that is all I have, in the end. I have the things I have learned and what I do with them. I believe in being true to myself because I am only inside me, and I am really the only one who is there. I believe in sharing that with others and I believe the only way to do it is by speaking my heart. I believe the only way for me to love somebody is by letting them in to the best of my ability, and I believe that trying is doing.
I am afraid. I believe in being okay with being afraid. Fear sparks me into movement, into living. Being afraid forces me to confront myself and to comfort myself. Being afraid allows me to give what I can and endeavor to create the person I desire to be and the people I want to share my story with. Being afraid gives me the choice of what to do with that fear, and I choose to conquer it my entire life. I choose to fight it for myself and for others who ask because that is what it’s all about to me. And I believe in fighting.
3 comments:
Some people might think that it is contradictory to be childlike and yet to also crave the "comfort of the daily grind" but it really is two sides of the same coin. Children need the spontaneity of life because that is the very nature of childhood, but at the same time, they also need the comfort of the predictable in order to thrive and grow. This is what makes them feel safe. There have been many people who have told me that they "didn't want to grow up" and to remain childlike because they loved the freedom they felt as a child, but if that is true they won't have the balance that a person needs. I love this quality you have because you recognize (perhaps without knowing it) that it is okay to retain a childlike nature but to also remain grounded in routine.
You believe in sleep...and lots of it. You are insanely crazy and carefree. You have the ability to cause ulcers AND drive your mother to drink.....
thank you both! both very insightful. and mostly kind (mother)
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