Losing it.

So I had some sad news yesterday about my health. I have a bit of a family history of high cholesterol, so I get it checked each year at my physical. When I was a senior in high school, at a healthy weight of 140, my cholesterol was even then a little high. (I'm sure I wasn't eating that well). Now, it's sort of dangerously high. I have gained a LOT of weight since my senior year and I make unbelievably unhealthy food choices.
My weight journey is as follows: My freshman year of college i dropped down to 132. One of my roomies loved to work out, and we got cheap gym passes and kept each other commited. Every single day i ran 3+ miles and did weights. I lost nearly ten pounds just from working out, while still eating like a pig (if not moreso!) I loved my body at either weight, but I felt much healthier and several aspects of my life improved from working out daily. I slept better, did better in class and was less moody. After my first year ended, I transferred schools and moved home and sort of fell into a depression. My serious boyfriend was leaving on his mission and it made me so sad. Turns out, when I'm that sad, I don't like food. The lowest my weight has ever been was during this time, when I remember 126 on the scale one morning. Just a small weight difference, but it was such a different state of health. I had stopped working out and because i was so sad i was never hungry. I was very unhappy at this weight and always had a stomach ache and felt tired constantly.
After an awful summer, and a prescription of prozac later, i finally felt like myself again. I got a new job and started school and slowly gained back weight. My new job had me at a desk all day, and because i was making pretty good money and had an hour paid lunch, i began to eat out a lot for lunch. One day about a year later, my mom commented that i had a belly! Imagine my surprise when i weighed myself and saw 167 pounds! Now, i would have taken this heavier body of mine any day over the sad me. I had learned that It would take sadness induced starvation or intense, 2 hour daily workouts for me to maintain less than 140 pounds. My body is naturally curvy and i have strong legs. Besides the fact that i enjoy food and have no desire to be a twig, health is not about just weight anyhow! I firmly believe that if you are healthy and have a good body fat percentage, that trumps the scale any day. Weight is simply a measuring tool.
My weight at 167 didn't bother me as much as my "belly" that had developed. I tend to gain weight there first-- the most dangerous spot to have extra weight, of course. So I decided to start working on my health again. It took me a couple years of up and down, spurts of healthy eating and working out regularly, and then at my new job, my coworkers and I decided to try this program together. It was basically a weekly meal plan for 12 weeks, and then whatever physical activity you wanted to do. Because I had the accountability with my coworkers and ate most of my meals at work, it was super easy for me. I also happened to be planning a rim to rim hike of the grand canyon at the time, so I was hiking almost daily to prepare. The weight just fell off. When I met Seth, I weighed 150. I had lost 20 pounds and I felt very good even ten pounds more than my optimal weight. I probably had more muscle than fat compared to my high school self and that's where the extra ten pounds were. My body was healthy and I was happy.
Soooo happy. Know what happiness does to me?? Makes me eat! I had met the love of my life, and I was busy being with him every second-- leaving no time to work out, duh. :) plus, Seth also really loves food and he was happy too.. So every date included treats or dinner. By the time we were engaged I had gained back that 20 pounds. I still felt great, however, and I remember Seth always commenting about how good I looked and how he loved my body. I wasn't too concerned with my health and had begun working out again to maintain it. I would have been happy and healthy there forever, probably. But alas, we got married. And if you escape the weight gain that comes from marriage you are fortunate. So here i am.. Another 30 pounds over the last two years.
I know that you can do the math yourself and figure out where I am now. But really, I don't care! I have enemies who will take this and run with it, and so be it. I was the one who put on the weight, it's my body and I still love it. If my cholesterol was in check, you better believe I would stay here. Because I'm not going to spend my life trying to look good for other people. I am not going to never eat mashed potatoes or pasta again. my husband thinks I'm sexy at any weight, and he is pretty much the only person I care to impress. So this is about health! As it should be.
As you know, we have been trying to get pregnant. My inability to conceive likely has nothing to do with my weight, (as I haven't ovulated on my own since age 16 anyways) but I would like to be healthier before I try to carry a baby. I would like to be healthy for my Children, so they learn good habits. And I don't want to continue to stress my arteries and perhaps end up with heart disease.
This cholesterol news has really motivated me! So our baby plans are on hold until I have lost 30 pounds. And don't think Seth is getting out of it! He has also gained the same amount of weight and we are in it together.
We are really so ready to be parents, so keeping that as our focus will hopefully speed up the process. I hope to lose 30 pounds by the end of October, and be pregnant before the year ends. I will then focus on getting back to my comfortable, healthy, curvy 150 pounds after I have the kiddo.
(that's 50 total pounds, FYI to my haters). (I know you're out there)!

Plan:
Meals will be structured as 1/4 protein, 1/4 carb, 1/2 produce.
Only lean proteins: fish, chicken, eggs, beans, nuts.
(didja know beans are a protein and carb!?)
Fresh, in season produce.
Complex carbs!
Season with herbs and spices and olive oil.
Plant sterol yogurt and butter.
Low fat dairy, in moderation.
Oatmeal and green tea for breakfast every day.
Salmon at least twice a week.

For now, no:
Fast food.
Simple carbs.
Trans fats.
Soda.

And of course, I'll be working out for at least a half hour every week day, and I'll go on a walk after dinner each night.

I'm going to keep you updated along with my regular blog posts, so I have some accountability. My plan is a weigh in and photo every ten pounds.
And that's it! Thanks for reading this long, boring post if you're still here. :)

Now I'll hit you with the before photos: