it's okay.

guess what! it's okay. it's okay that i have crazy thoughts- like in my last post. i understand better now, what i've been trying to do. i have been trying to live a meaningful life. i worry a lot that i will live a typical life- and that is probably my biggest fear. (other than someone i love dying.)
the problem is that the world has an idea of what a meaningful life is- and then my religion has an idea of it too. i have been wayyy to caught up in what the world claims is meaningful. not the mainstream world, the meaningful world. does that make sense? okay, an example:

world's view of meaningful: travel, doing extraordinary things, learning as much as possible, reading good books, listening to unique music, looking inside yourself and being able to express yourself through a medium- writing, music, dance. etc. being in love. caring more about people than things.

lds view of meaningful: family, raising children, sharing the gospel and only true happiness with our brothers and sisters, temple work, learning as much as possible, looking inside yourself, becoming better constantly, caring more about people than things.

obviously, there is a place where these two can meet. i believe i can appreciate life here on this planet and enjoy what it has to offer in a meaningful way, and at the same time focus MORE on my relationship with my heavenly father and the gospel that i know is true.

in my quest to really incorporate this into my life, i have made a few immediate changes. i have really become a better student. a lot of this has been my sweet husband who has motivated me- but now it is sincere on my part. i actually want to learn! i want to be a scholar. not just to get a degree, but to expand my brain and my world. I have also been cooking a lot more and eating a lot better things. to me, that is one of the best ways to connect with the earth and with life itself. food. good food. wholesome food that isn't processed, and making it with your own hands and with somebody you love. also, not being so uptight about living this dreamy life, and just actually living it. moment by moment.

so i will probably begin blogging again, now that i have things more in order.