stratefy.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to go to work. After more than a year of doing so, it really isn't that hard anymore. Sad and tragic maybe, but not hard. I worked for seven hours and then left for school. I had this feeling in my little belly that I was maybe going to skip out on my classes today. Mom, if you're reading this, you might want to stop here. Because maybe last week I ditched out of two of the three days that I go, I was feeling like pretty much a big loser.
Every day feels like a conveyor belt to me. From the moment my sleepy feet hit the foreign carpet I am plopped onto this conveyor belt that whooshes me around all day. And the stupid conveyor belt is broken! It moves too fast, forgetting things and nearly hitting others. At night when I'm supposed to get off the thing, there is still so much track left to go that I just have to dive off sideways as it passes my bed, where I fall in and immediately collapse. Exhausting, no?
So today, when I was trying to diligently go to school since it's Monday after all and I should be properly rested up, the conveyor belt just stopped. No really. I was outside the Computer Science building, five minutes late for class. Some girl had laughed at me about thirty seconds before, (I think at my boots) (paranoid much?) The sun was beating down on me, my backpack had made sweat marks. I was hungry. And just like that. Stopped. I hopped off without hesitation, turned right around and stomped back to my car. This had to stop!
There is a reason I have been feeling so blah and tired and unmotivated and it's because too much is going on. I have been running in circles, never getting everything done that I need and especially that I want. I spent the entire summer trying to figure out my financial situation, stressed like I've never been before, applying for billions of jobs where apparently my resume was sucked into black hole after black hole. Now that that's over, I am realizing I never had a moment to catch my breath. I jumped right into school and work full time and all the sudden my laundry piled up and my deoderant stopped working! I need to simplify.

I ended up spending the afternoon in Provo Canyon. I shut off my phone and ipod and rolled down the windows. I drove until I saw a road called Squaw - something and remembered that I've always wanted to take it. It lead to the most expansive view of the valley I've ever seen, and as I sat in the sun and the autumn air I adjusted my perspective.
When we stand on tops of things and look down, isn't it funny that we must always try and find where we live, where we work, where we walk. We like to know our place, I think. I stopped squinting and took the trail to the left even though I was in flip flops. I walked until it was silent and then sat down in the dirt. After twenty minutes I decided I needed to eliminate some things from my life. I needed a new thinking spot to decide those things. So, I got back in Bev (my car) and drove to the nearest campground.
Here, after I was creepily watched by a lady that looked like someone in my family named Vickie (not sure of the relation) who could very well have been a serial killer, I found me a spot on a picnic table and took a lie down. I thought and thought and thought while I watched the leaves fall from the trees. Seriously, when was the last time you had time to watch the leaves fall from the trees? And I decided.

Delete facebook.
Stop having billions of  twitters sent to my phone- except the backstreet boys and JK rowling. Yes, I let go of icarly.
Delete most of the recordings in our DVR. Goodbye Kourney and Khloe.
Make exercise and school a priority.
Go outside more.
Be quieter.
When driving, just drive.
When peeing, just pee. I don't have to bring my phone everyyyywhere. (TMI?)
I considered a blog-break, but decided that my thing is writing and I can't let go of my thing.

And I'm taking my personal day from work tomorrow. (yes, to catch up on school mom.)

Maybe I sound like a whiney-baby. Heck, maybe I am a whiney-baby! But stress is relative, and I don't like it much. I like the slow life and it's about time I get back to that. I'm more comfortable there. And nicer too. Thank you for reading if you did. This has been a production of the pivotal moments in Karlee's life.
Stay tuned for your local news.