out of the love pages

two years ago, my heart was growing new places every day for a boy.
a year ago my heart was fixing itself up.
somewhere in between, i composed what i have come to fondly think of as some of my best writing.
i'd like to share just a piece from that time.

tonight i threw up my heart.
it hurt so bad to get out.
all smothered inside, that kind of sick.

i showed it to you.
covered with insides-battered as it was.
ashamed?

and he thought he wanted it.
so i held it in my hands
far from his grasp.

but
he looked at every scar.
some disfigured, deep into the very place
the blood runs.

and even though my hands were full
he thrust into them a fist of brightly colored band aids.
so

we exchanged.
he puts it right next to his.
swallows it whole, diseased and festering.

and there it can heal.
so far inside it forgets
its origin.

right where he breathes.
this is the place i can grow and weaken.
both

at once.